There’s good news and there’s bad news.

The bad news is that traversing the land mines of menopause really sucks. Sleeping no more than an hour and a half at a time and waking up totally “on fire” is not conducive to any type of daytime functional existence. “Cooling down” to go back to sleep usually takes at least an hour of online solitaire in the nude. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. It would be funny to me too if this hadn’t become a nightly adventure in sleep deprivation.

But I said there was good news, and here it is: My heat waves (some call them power surges) are actually saving the planet! I’m using far less electric heat these days, forcing the PUD to actually reduce my pro-rated monthly bill by $25! That’s a whopping $300 a year! Hooray for hot flashes! Just imagine what energy savings could be produced by harnessing all this free thermal power to heat our homes with hormones!

Now before you get too excited, here’s a necessary word of caution: Putting more than one menopausal woman in each household to maximize energy savings may prove to be counter-productive to creating a truly kinder, softer, gentler world.

Just sayin’…