My horrific episode with prednisone last December didn’t resolve the problem with my hip bursitis, so I decided to get one of those gel-foam mattress pads to see if that would help alleviate the night pain. Naturally, since my current mattress is a California King, I had to place a special order.

The gel top arrived on my front porch just a week later. I discovered it out there only after an email alerted me that my shipment had been delivered, but nonetheless, I was thrilled it got here so quickly.

The box was quite heavy, so I wrestled it inside the door and left it in the foyer, contemplating my next step. The box measured 14 inches square. My bed is 72” by 84”. It doesn’t take a math wizard to figure out that the contents of the box must have been highly compressed.

I imagined opening the box, and having the mattress spring forth like one of those circus clown “snakes,” startling the crap out of me as I jumped back. What if the newly-liberated mattress fell on top of me? What if I was trapped there on the floor, unable to call for help, lying there with just my feet sticking out?

Yeah, I know it sounds silly, but in my over-active and highly theatrical imagination, I was sure it could happen!

I called a friend and explained my dilemma. She laughed like crazy and suggested I wear my red shoes while I unpacked the carton. When she said to wait until she could get here with a camera, I briefly wondered how many hits I’d get on YouTube.

In the end, I put my cell phone in my pocket and carefully cut the box open all by myself. The directions were in an envelope right on top, and I read the entire brochure before proceeding. Not-to-worry, it turns out that it takes some time before the mattress recovers its full size.

Now I just have to figure out how to get it from the living room to the bedroom. And I don’t think clicking my ruby heels together is going to help.