I have two cats: Alvin and Simon. There will be no Theodore, as two is quite enough. Actually, two is way, way more than enough, if the second one turns out to have Simon’s rambunctious and quirky personality.

Simon could be the feline poster child for ADD. Whereas Alvin, bless his heart, is calm and collected and had never shown an interest in climbing the drapes or walking on the dining room table, Simon is most assuredly Alvin’s evil twin.

My sheer living room drapes hang in strips now, not totally obvious to the casual observer, but torn to allow long openings, nevertheless. I discovered this one day when I backed out of the garage and glanced over at the window.

Simon must have been lying on the back of the couch, as he stuck his head out through the curtains to watch me depart. I could almost read his thoughts: Good, she’s leaving, now no one will holler at me for what I’m about to do.

And “do” he does… Every imaginable surface is his playground, from the kitchen counters to the top ledge in the 12-foot high windows. When he gets really wound up, he uses the three cat trees in the rec room as springboards to go around and around the room, reminding me of those cage-ball motorcycle riders.

Just watching him is exhausting, and trying to teach him even the most basic of house rules and/or manners has proven impossible. He’s only 9 months old, I keep reminding myself. There’s still time for him to calm down. But in my heart of hearts, I don’t believe he’ll ever slow his pace.

I wonder if they make ritalin for cats…