A recent article in USA Today took my beloved Seattle Mariners to task, stating that only three players had batting averages greater than their weight. So of course I looked it up.

Leading off, my darling (and extremely lean) Ichiro bats .348. My new favorite center fielder, walking confidently in the shoes of Ken Griffey, Jr., is Franklin Gutierrez, batting a very respectable .311. Shortstop Jack Wilson has a .253 with 75 at bats. Jose Lopez, playing third base this year, comes in at .216.

I’ve seen these guys play. All four of them weigh less than 216… well, maybe. And yes, the rest of the line-up ought to be taking extra daily batting practice. But Figgins has 25 bases on balls—doesn’t that count for something?

Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I hear you and I take exception. The season is less than two months old; there are more than four months left to play. Anything can happen, and I mean ANYTHING! Right now Seattle is biding their time, letting the other teams get over-confident, waiting for the perfect moment to make a skyrocketing climb from their current last place position in the American League West.

Someone has to be in the cellar. But rest assured, it ain’t over till it’s over, and as soon as this 80+% brand new 2010 team figures out how to speak the same language, watch out! Meanwhile, USA Today, do NOT dis my boys!