I never harvest any apples from my trees. It’s not that there aren’t any apples out there, it’s just that I planted the trees solely for the wild critters who come looking for a handout this time of year. Naturally, when the deer were posing out under the fruit trees...
As Grandpa often said, “You have to make hay while the sun shines.” His statement was metaphorical, of course, but nevertheless, during six of the next seven weekends I will make the vast majority of my entire year’s book sales. Vast, as in just about 98%. No problem....
Quite recently, I discovered my inner child still knows how to throw one hell of a tantrum. It’s fall; Dairy Queen’s Blizzard of the Month is Pumpkin Pie. Just seeing the amazingly tasty-looking picture on the menu board was enough for me to (metaphorically) start...
It’s a lot like being constipated; you feel all bottled up inside. To continue in excremental terms, you want to get it out, but something’s keeping you from dumping. So what’s really going on when you’re putting everything else before doing what you feel inextricably...
Sometimes I just feel so darn old. I’m suddenly “of an age” where the 50th anniversary of this or that great historic event is mentioned in casual conversation, and I realize we’re not talking about ancient history any more, we’re talking about things that have...
“A lot of cats outgrow that,” said my friendly neighborhood vet when I called to inquire about Simon’s penchant for continually seeking out and ingesting anything plastic. A lot of cats—but apparently not my Simon. The Little Terrorist turned one year old yesterday....
